Dear Diary
by MattParker
Summary: Melchior/Moritz. "Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace. You can help me. You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death is." - Oscar Wilde
_[[It's based on "Frühlings Erwachen" from Frank Wedekind - so the main language of the characters will be german, that's why their english will not be perfect!]]_

 ** _January 21_**

What is this even all about? Without knowing anything I know anything.  
I feel like I already know what happenes everywhere and that kills me inside.

I'm not a clever boy, no, either an idiot, I'm...

What is this all about?

Why?

Did a god or an angel or whatever there is - clearly nothing - chose to fill me up with anger?

Or do I just suffer from an anti-empathy illness that's crawling up from my inside to my heart?

I don't know how to respond, I don't know how to live.

In fact: All I know is nothing and nothing is more than I should know.

Everyone loves life, everyone hates it. Everyone has good habits, everyone has bad habits.

Is there even a god for me? for me alone?

Why do I ask when I don't believe?

Do I wanna try to believe?

What's this all about?

Would I want someone? Someone in which I could believe? I don't know. I know nothing and everything, I know who I am.

 **January 23**

I don't get the point in living a life, when the life is full of crap, full of shit, full of people  
who are incorrectly and angry and who just don't deserve to live.

But who am I to judge? Some little school boy, nothing, a little mouse.

While some jerks are going out the whole night, others suffer and die.  
I hate life, life hate's me. It's just not fair.

Why?

I wonder what other people would say to me if there could read this. Is my english good enough?

IS THERE EVEN A GOOD ENOUGH? ..who can judge?

 **January 25**

I hate life - I love life.  
What is life?  
Is there a rule how to live? A measure?

 **February 02**

Nothing. There is nothing.

I feel blue, alone, blue, alone, help?

I hate everything, everyone likes me - why?

I hate to live I hate life I hate to think thoughts there thoughts everywhere  
Who decided that there are "." and "," why

everything is meaningless.

 **February 12**

I sound like a little annoying kid, or maybe an old grandpa.  
..or even suicidal..or even worse. But I just have too much thoughts going on in my mind.  
I can't anymore, I don't want to.

No one is listening, no one will, I'm alone. Moritz is the little trouble guy, I have to help him.  
Not the other way round.

 **February 13**

Answers? No one will give me them. Whatever, I don't know what this is all about

What's your Problem Moritz?

 **February 17**

The poor have nothing and everything and the rich everything an nothing

..what's the meaning in having beautiful things? u die anywhere

 **February 19**

Do you wanna grow old Moritz?

 **March 01**

He's gone

 **March 02**

Maybe I'm acting over dramatic. I should go back to my normal judge thing attitude

live the normal life

it's not my fault

it's..

 **March 04**

I read every book we had. What to do now?

 **March 10**

Everything is meaningless unless you have something in your life for what you're living for

 **March 12**

Love is a construction from our head, saying to us that "we're not alone and everythings fine"

 **March 13**

Nothings fine. Love hurts;hurts Everyone dies

 **March 14**

Can you hear me Moritz? Are you still there?

 **March 20**

in the end your the fool who sits alone in the bed crying about how you hate your life.

 **March 22**

Why did god - or whatever - created us with so many different emotions?

Why do we have to live in such a crap?

Why do people hate?  
Why am I angry whith my best friend?  
Why do I feel angry about everything, Why am I angry with myself, Why are there tears in my eyes?  
Why could I cry and beat everyone I see in exactly that moment?

What's wrong with me, or is there nothing wrong? Does everyone feel so in decades or is it me?  
Am I ill?  
Am I normal?

 **April 01**

I don't know what to do, I have too many thoughts, I hate the night.

It's so silent, thoughts everywhere, the silence everywhere.

Silence is louder than every sound I know.

I can hear so many things at night.

 **April 02**

I don't want to hear silence, I want to have fun, but fun equals something called

a person who is with you

and know what?

I don't have that kind of person

 **April 10**

i could had one

 **April 11**

I hate it

I hate Moritz, I love Moritz

 **April 14**

I miss ..

 **April 19**

You are tired? Nice and I hate the night - who is awake with me?  
No one, so next time I wanna stay home to prefer to be there alone then I can cry

 **April 20**

They said I can not come back to the cemetery  
They said I should start to live my life

 **May 03**

I have to watch over you Moritz..

 **May 10**

Went back to the cemetary

 **May 11**

In front of you I can not cry and that's the problem. I have to go home now Moritz

 **May 15**

I am alone. But hey it's melchior right? He can do everything! Our golden boy

 **May 19**

If you could feel what I feel you would know how it hurts

and you would come back to me

u would kiss me and stay awake with me, you would do everything to help me

perhaps i'm just selfish

but if I'm not selfish, I'm going to die

 **June 05**

When the moon awakes, the thoughts are starting to shine brighter

 **June 05**

it's a hole

 **June 05**

it was over from the beginning

 **June 07**

My last time here

 **June 11**

It was warm, a very nice day but I guess it's just dark for you isn't it?

 **June 12**

Soon the sun will shine brighter for you

 **June 13**

wait for me

 **June 14**

I'm coming soon

 **June 15**

Bye


End file.
